It is so strange being back at 290 pounds. Only a year has passed since I was a much fitter and healthier version of myself, but it’s the first time in I don’t know how long, that I can remember what it was like to be a better version of myself. When I was 370 pounds it had been so long since I was fit and healthy that being 370 pounds was my only true memory of myself.

I mean, I didn’t just wake up and, POOF! the weight came back. I simply turned a blind eye to it (we’ll eventually delve into the “why” later). Part of me feels like I never truly left this unheathy lifestyle and weight and the other part of me feels like an imposter now in my own body and closet because I know now what being healthy truly looks and feels like.

You could equate this part of my journey to gambling… like playing a hand of blackjack. You hit and bust and hit and bust and then BLACKJACK!!! But then, in the blink of an eye it’s all gone. All of that hard work, time and money that went into getting that win is gone because you decided to go, “All in!” on that next hand.

Ok so maybe gambling isn’t the best comparison to my journey, but I’m betting you get the point (ah you see what I did there?).

The bottom line, the further and further you get away from how it felt after that initial win, the harder it is to get back that momentum, that belief that you will ever win again.

But there’s no harm in playing just one more hand right? Afterall, isn’t it the rush of those wins, no matter how small that kept you going?