Hello… it’s me… and I believe it’s time I put my fingers to the QWERTY (sung in the key of the amazing Adele).
I’ve been struggling for some time now to get what I’ve been wanting to say down into a blog post. It’s been quite a while since I said anything, and the constant pics and status updates from Timehop and the like have made it even harder to admit out loud what I’ve known for some time… I. Have. Failed. I’ve failed all those who were supporting and following me and most importantly I’ve failed myself because I gave up.
When I look back on 2015 I see a lot of amazing memories, but I also see the loss of myself… the person I worked so hard to become. Gone are the days of beets and gymmin’ it and back are the days of bagels and couchin’ it and the oh so glorious, “Monday I’m starting over again” (and again and again and again ad nauseum).
But I didn’t… and I haven’t. What I have now is a closet full of skinny clothes, a list of things that I was able to do after I lost the weight the first time, but mostly can’t now since I’ve gradually gained a lot of it back, barely used really cute cross trainers and fierce looking muay thai gloves. I also have my thoughts… my thoughts about how it used to be.
Before when I would falter I would get right back up. But now, I’ve fallen so far off the horse that I’ve pretty much lost hope and faith in myself that I will ever get back on it. I definitely still want it, but I can want it all I want, it’s my actions, like always that are going to speak louder than my words. And right now my actions are barely even a whisper.
frombagelstobeets 
The fact that you are finally admitting this out loud, means that hopefully your voice will get louder. You can’t get what you wish for if you don’t strive for it!! Remember those days and start reaching for them again. It’s possible as long as you are willing. Giving up is too, too easy and a cop out. Just like falling off a horse, get back up on that saddle and continue that fantastic journey that hit some bumps in the road!! I believe in you and hope you believe in yourself! There are no dead ends, only wrong turns at times.
Love you so much!
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I know you will do what you can to reach your new goals. Be kind to yourself on your continued journey. I love you and wish the best for you.
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Jayme, I’m right there with you girl!!! My sister got married 2 years ago now, and I was on a low carb high cardio and weights kick! I was doing so well!!!! And then my husband had a health issue last March! He was in the hospital for well over a week and I just stopped it all! And it, the weight, came back on in the blink of an eye! Why is it that it comes back so easy but it is so damn hard to get it off!!!! This year I have decided that I am going to do this weight loss thing my way!! I can’t make huge insane changes overnight! So I am starting small, more water less other crap! Trying to make sure that at every meal I have fruits and veggies before anything else, and then my food! Trying to be a food preparation guru, before the week starts!!! Reading lots of books about why I turn to food for help! Trying to think about emotions before I eat them! Meditating with this Calm app thing because most of my eating is stress!! Bottom line is do not be so hard on yourself!! This is life, we only have one! And I don’t want to look back on it as all I worried about was my appearance! I have picked up some new hobbies, and am trying to turn to them when I’m stressed!! Hang in there women! Just strive for health and energy! You are beautiful inside and anyone worth their salt knows that!! —from your old high school buddy who struggles too! If you ever want to do a food/weight loss email (pen pal) let me know!!! I’m game!
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