As it gets closer to my thir… my thirty… my thirty-fifth (oy!) birthday I’m getting just a little freaked out at how quickly time is going by.

It’s not so much that I’m afraid of getting older and turning 35… it’s more that I’m just a little sad that I’m not where I thought I’d be when I did. 

Now don’t get me wrong, regardless of my struggles I really do love my life and am learning to embrace my struggles better. I have an amazing husband and family and the most loving and supportive friends.

When I entered my 30s I was 6 months into my weight loss journey and very green about my future. I thought everything would fall into place… I’d lose the weight and get healthy and then we’d get pregnant and have the kids we so desperately wanted (and still do!).

I didn’t think accomplishing those two big feats would be easy, but I also didn’t think they’d be as hard as they’ve been. And as much as it… well… sucks that I’m not there yet, I feel good knowing that the energy I’ve put into being sad and yes, sometimes bitter I’ve been learning how to channel into hope and action. Which I guess you could say comes from time, which really just means age. 

So come on 35… hit me with your best shot!

Xoxo

Saying and doing, as we all know are two utterly and totally different things.

You can say you want to do something, but until you actually do it they are only words… and words don’t change a damn thing.

So how do you turn your words into action? You just shut up and start doing and embrace the fact that you will make mistakes along the way. But no matter what, you keep your eye on the prize and keep doing everything you can to move forward.

Today you would have turned two.

Today your daddy and I would be celebrating you, watching you blow out your candles and then get your cake into every nook and cranny that we would later have fun cleaning during bath time.

Today you would have been walking and talking like the cute little toddler we know you would be and getting into anything and everything.

Today we would continue to tell you how lucky we are to be your mommy and daddy and for you to be our, Lily Rose.

Unfortunately, though, we never got today. For reasons unbeknownst to us, nor our doctor, we never got to meet you. As heartbreaking as that is, it’s okay. You weren’t ready to meet us and it would have been selfish for us to have asked you to stay. You will always be in our hearts and on our minds and we will always think about whose nose you would have had, whose mannerisms you inherited, how smart and beautiful you would be.

So Happy 2nd Birthday, Lily Rose!! We hope you’re celebrating wherever you are and know how much we will always love you.

Xoxo
Your mommy and daddy

Happy 1st Birthday to, From Bagels to Beets!!

Like me, it is a work in progress and I thank you for reading! 😘

Cheers!

Xoxo
Jayme

This graduation season has got me thinking back to my own high school graduation… 16 years ago… damn.

That day we were told the world was ours to change. We were told we could be anything we wanted to be. And we were told to never stop learning.

Some off of us went off to college, some to work and others joined the military. Whatever we chose to do, we were all taking the first steps in shaping our future.

What we weren’t told then, is that the path to our future wouldn’t always be easy. That it would occasionally be filled with a million twists, turns and curve balls. We weren’t told that it’s OK to be a realist and not see everything through rose-colored glasses. And we weren’t told that 16 years later we might still be trying to figure out what it is we want to do and who we want to be when we grow up… and that it is A-OK.

The world is still ours to change. We can still be anything we want to be. And we should absolutely never stop learning. Sometimes we just need an 18 year old’s commencement speech to remind us of that.

I hope everyone had a great day celebrating their moms and their own motherhood. I know I did. I got to spend my day with two amazing women…the one who gave birth to me and raised me and the one who chose to be another mother and help raise my amazing husband. And across the states there is another mother who deserves just as much credit for giving birth to, and raising my husband.

My mother chose family over career. She took care of each and every boo boo. She celebrated every win and comforted every loss. She helped shape me into the independent, confident and strong willed woman that I am today.

My other mother chose to accept and love my husband and brother in law as her own. And when she gave birth to my baby brother in law, her heart only became larger.

And my third mother taught my husband kindness and understanding, among many other wonderful qualities.

I am very lucky to have three such amazing women in my life.

And even though I don’t yet have a child of my own to hold in my arms and a sweet keppy to kiss at night, I will always hold a child in my heart.

I was born to be a mom. My path to motherhood might be bumpy and uphill; and I may fall down once or twice, but I will get there and one day I will have a child of my own to hold in my arms and a sweet keppy to kiss at night.

Today is weigh in day.

Since starting back at the gym in February, I’ve essentially been going up and down within the same 5 pounds. Well today, I am so pleased to report that I have lost my first 5 pounds (6.1 to be exact)!

This was the absolute hardest 5 pound weight loss I have ever had! When I originally started on my journey I was all in and it was so easy to watch the pounds melt away.

But this time… this time I wasn’t ready. I have been essentially dragging myself kicking and screaming the whole way.

So today, I am going to celebrate this small, but major accomplishment. Not only is this a physical loss, it is a mental win ☺.

About 2 weeks ago I had my eyebrows waxed for the first time in several months. After they were done and I was looking at them in the mirror, I started to feel like there was a break in the clouds, so to speak. I am ridiculously anal about my brows, so the fact that I had let them go without waxing for as long I did made me realize that I had truly let myself go. I decided right then and there that I needed to start taking care of myself again. My hair was next.

For me, my hair is my security blanket. It’s amazing how many emotions can be stored in each and every strand of hair. And as long as I can put my hair up, I can essentially put all of those emotions out of sight and out of mind.

Well today, I said goodbye to almost 3 inches… 3 inches of sadness, 3 inches of depression, 3 inches of avoidance, 3 inches of un-healthiness and 3 inches of a dark cloud that has shadowed over me for the past year… and I am finally feeling like me again.

Never stop taking care of you… even if it is just a brow wax every 5 weeks 😘

Back in February, my husband and I started working out and eating healthy again. I’ve stumbled a bit getting back into a groove, but he has been nothing short of amazing getting into his.

It’s funny, because all I wanted when I started on my journey almost 5 years ago was for my husband to be doing it with me… and now he is and I barely am.

Well today, while going through some old pictures, we came across one of me when I was at my fittest, happiest and healthiest 2 years ago. My husband decided to repost that picture on Facebook as a way for it to be in my face and motivate me again, because he wants me back… and frankly looking at that picture makes me want me back too. And “This time,” he said, “I’ll be with you.”

After doing an Athletic Training Circuit class at the gym last night… complete with glute and quad burning lunge presses and squat presses, I decided to stay for another hour and take Cardio Hip Hop.

To be honest, I was exhausted and really wanted to go home… but I also really wanted to get my steps in (I’m in several Fitbit challenges with teachers and fitness instructors and they are demolishing me Workweek Hustle after Workweek Hustle 😜).

Since getting back into gymmin’ it, I’ve only taken a handful of Cardio Hip Hop classes and don’t really have the routines down yet; but as I turned the wrong way, took an extra step here and there and slid all over the floor, I realized that I didn’t care. I was exhausted, but I kept moving. I looked ridiculous, but I crushed my step goal. I was dancing my ass off… and I was loving every single minute of it… especially today’s soreness 😘👊💪!