Tomorrow we were supposed to meet you. It’s crazy how fast, yet how slow the last 9 months have gone by.

I stopped counting how many months I would have been as each month passed, but the last few every time I would see another woman pretty far in her pregnancy I couldn’t help but stop and think, that would have been me. That was supposed to be me.

Now, instead of meeting Baby Boy Walder we are left to wonder who you would have looked like, what your personality would have been like, how soon would your daddy have tried to toss you a football?

When I first started this blog it was meant to be about my weight loss journey, “from bagels to beets” if you will. It was never my intention for it to become about our fertility struggles. But, much like life it is a work in progress and it is still about my journey nonetheless… the laughter and the happiness, the trials and the tribulations.

Baby Boy Walder, we fell in love with you the second we knew we were expecting you and you will always have a special place in our hearts. We love you.

As I stood front and center in my living room the other night during my amazing karaoke performance of Salt-N-Pepa’s 1993 hit, “Shoop” I realized I was out of breath and my hips were killing me (hey, I said it was an amazing performance 😜).

These past few months I’ve really made a lot of progress… in the wrong direction. But this morning, while getting ready for work and getting lost in my thoughts I had an epiphany… I am a creature of habit. No, that wasn’t the epiphany, if it was this would be a hell of a lot easier. My epiphany was that I realized I’ve been interpreting one of those cliché motivational quotes completely wrong:

All of the recent challenges I’ve faced have changed me, but they’ve changed me for the worse, not the better. They’ve made me weaker, not stronger simply because I’ve allowed them to. I’m the one stopping me, I’m the one getting in my own way. Yes, I know I’ve had many posts like this over the years and you’re probably wondering, like me what’s different this time. Well, I would have to say clarity. I’m able to see the forest for the trees, if you will (gotta love a good cliché). 

Hitting obstacles along the way is expected, but making excuses to keep tripping over them is unacceptable. I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions so I will make a New Year’s statement (same difference I know)… 

Change is a constant, how I embrace it (yes, even fight it) is a choice. I am going to make the choice to learn from the change and turn it into a positive, not a negative.

This is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it (yes, yet another motivational cliché) because the next time I take my place front and center in my living room I am going to own the crap out of, “Shoop”.

Cheers and Happy New Year!!

Xoxo