Every day I get up and I put my smile on. I have to right? It’s been 4 months, that’s plenty of time to grieve for the second baby we will never get the chance to meet (please note the extreme sarcasm here). And I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer… so on my smile goes, even though all I want to do is scream and cry and throw something.

And no matter where I go I’m constantly reminded of what I don’t have. But on my smile goes because I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable or think I’m mad at them or resent them for what they are so fortunate to have.

I refuse to allow my struggle with infertility to define me. Instead I am choosing to learn and grow from my worst nightmare. I am owning the fact that I am not OK and accepting the fact that that is OK. My struggle, my journey is my own. And if I want to scream and cry and throw something I will because that is true growth. Acknowledging how I feel and taking that moment (or moments) to truly feel my emotions is how I will continue to move forward… and that is OK.